So what can you do if you do not feel in the least bit jolly – if you are at a low ebb, battling depression or anxiety or loneliness? How do you manage your mood when everybody around is upbeat – and expect you to be too? How do you support others who might be vulnerable?
First of all, know that you, or they, are not alone in finding the festive season less than fun, says Minal Mahtani, the founder and chief executive of OCD & Anxiety Support HK (OCDAHK), a Hong Kong charity dedicated to helping adults and teenagers with mental illness.
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A 2019 survey by the UK government portal YouGov found more than two in five Britons have felt stressed during the festive season, while about one in four has struggled with anxiety or depression. And a quarter of the population finds Christmas more challenging than the rest of the year, saying it has a fairly (19 per cent) or very (seven per cent) negative impact on their mental health.The American Psychological Association uncovered similar sentiments: in a November 2023 survey, 41 per cent of adults describe an increase in stress levels when compared to other times of the year, and 43 per cent said that the holiday stress interferes with their ability to enjoy them.
There are dozens of reasons people find holiday seasons difficult, says Wong.
Loneliness can feel more pronounced when you are not with loved ones, and can be even more painful when you are among friends and family yet still feel lonely and disconnected.
Changes in daily activities during holidays can be upsetting, especially for those who suffer from autistic spectrum disorder, as they find changes in routine anxiety-provoking.A recent loss or bereavement – whether it is a death, a separation or divorce, or even a job loss – can make any holiday hard.“The holiday season can accentuate the sense of loss, especially in the first year afterwards,” Wong says. And the associated costs of the festivities can add to the stress.
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Sometimes just having experts deem your own anxiety about holidays to be normal, and told it is OK to feel how you feel, can be helpful.
Here are some expert tips to help navigate the festive season, particularly if you or someone you love is coping with a mental health problem.
1. Do as you wish
There is “an idealised notion of perfect families and perfect holidays”, says Mahtani. “In most cases they do not exist.”
There are no rules that say you have to do what everybody else is doing, she says. You do not have to say yes to invitations.
Do what pleases you – including eating what you like, watching and listening to your favourite shows and music, indulging in your chosen hobbies.
2. Tempting traditions
Some “traditions” associated with holidays can be especially hard for those with mental health or addiction issues Mahtani says, particularly those who struggle with eating disorders or alcohol addiction.Anorexia: the mental illness people in Asia don’t talk about
It requires a huge amount of willpower and effort to remain on an even keel on a difficult day – to not overeat or binge drink, if those are problems.If you know someone facing such a battle, keep an eye on them. And if you struggle yourself, reach out to your therapist or loved one if things get tough.
3. Show compassion – to yourself and others
Wong says there is no right or wrong way to feel during a holiday – or indeed any day. She urges us all to practise self-compassion by being aware of our emotions, and being kind to ourselves – and to others who may suffer and also find the holiday a difficult time.Be especially gentle with those with anxiety disorders, says Mahtani, and let them decide how much – or little – they want to be involved in festivities.Do not judge them for not approaching the celebrations as you expect them to, or as you might.
“Please understand this is important for their emotional state of mind and overall well-being.”
4. Volunteer for mutual good
If you do not have plans with family or friends and are feeling at a loose end, consider volunteering.
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Lee Wing-yi, a senior programme officer at HandsOn Hong Kong, a charity with the mission to empower everyone in Hong Kong to volunteer, says volunteering is a two-way feel-good street.
“It provides individuals with a sense of purpose and meaning, and boosts self-esteem,” she says.
“Loneliness and isolation are exacerbated over the festive period. Vulnerable groups, including the elderly, individuals experiencing homelessness, and those without family support, often feel the weight of exclusion and disconnection amid the focus on family gatherings and social activities.”Because social workers and carers may be on a break over holidays, volunteers can provide a vital lifeline through visits, letters, phone calls and care-package deliveries.
Donate or sign up to extend therapists’ training
This season, mental health charity Mind HK is fundraising for iACT – Improving Access to Community Therapies.With 95-week waits to see a psychiatrist, Hong Kong charity fills the gap
This programme trains individuals to become well-being practitioners to deliver free therapy to individuals aged 18 to 65 experiencing mild to moderate mental health problems.
Such a support programme for young people will soon be available, and Mind HK is seeking aspiring iACT practitioners for its next session.
